This life post will just be me bitching about all of my teen angst emotions. So if you, oh non-existent reader, do not care for my badass girl rant, I would suggest skipping over this little part. Ok? Ok.
If Life had a body, I would torch it. Really.
It's like, aghhh. The feels. WHY DO I FEEL SO MUCH?! I mean, why couldn't humans have evolved with an on/off switch for emotions? Though I suppose humans would become like, mindless, cold-hearted robots who kill people for sport. So maybe not. But still, I digress (did I even use that word right? I can't even make myself care right now).
1. WHY IS IT SO HARD TO FIND A POET BOYFRIEND WHO DRESSES CUTE AND HAS DARK HAIR, LIKES CATS AND IS RESPECTFUL TO WOMEN? AMONG OTHER THINGS?
Like, common'. It shouldn't be this hard. I've lost so much hope for my high school love life, I now console myself by saying: just wait until University. You will meet scads of boys who are what you're looking for and find yourself involved in whirlwind romances and passionate relationships with artist boyfriends who conveniently all have killer bods, nice teeth and dark hair. They will also lavish you in cute gifts of kittens and pricey lingerie.
In the meantime, I'm stuck watching countless cheesy movies, reading too many terrible trashy romance novels and obsessing over John Keats and Johnny Depp (I have a John thing ok?!) while eating stale Birthday Cake Oreos and the box of Honey Nut Cheerios I keep hidden under my bed. All while occasionally crying.
I mean, I always come out of these movies/books/whatever feeling needy, in the sense that I feel lonely and decide I need someone to make me feel wanted. And at that point, I'm already happy crying/ sad crying about the epic romance I just witnessed and then I really start to get crazy. Like, I've gotten so wrapped up in tv romances, I've almost vomited (Buffy the Vampire Slayer had me going). Factor in the sad eating of Oreos, which I end up just feeling guilty about later, and you have a weird wet teary mess of a gal who is just like FUCK, WHERE IS MY PERFECT DUDE?! Which is totally unrealistic and very damaging to future relationships, because we always have this perfect person in mind and it's impossible for anyone to hold up to that image. Not to say that having standards isn't good. It's super good! No one should settle for less than the best for themselves. BUT. Nobody's perfect (a little Hannah Montana for you there) and measuring up possible love interests to these imaginary dream people can only result in disaster. Anyways. I just can't find no one to loooovvveeee meeeeeeee.
2. WHY DO I ALWAYS FEEL SO HUGE AND HOW IS IT THAT I WENT FROM BEING SLIM TO CHUNKY OVER THE COURSE OF A SUMMER AND ALL OF MY SHARP EDGES ARE COVERED UP WITH LOVE HANDLES AND LAYERS OF SOFT TISSUE AND FAT?!
Pretty self-explanatory, I just don't even wanna talk about this right now, really. I just wanna wake up one morning and go to the mirror and realize I have magically transformed into Winona Ryder or Ellen Page or Kate Moss or whatever gorgeous/feisty/rad, boob-less, twig figure I wanna be. But more on this another time.
3. WHY DOES THE IDEA OF GROWING UP MAKE ME START TO CRY AND HOW AM I GOING TO SURVIVE WITHOUT MY BEST FRIENDS AND WHEN I GET SCARED IN UNIVERSITY WHO'S BED WILL I CRAWL INTO WHEN MY MUM'S A MILLION MILES AWAY?!
Bleh. If I even write about this right now I might cry. I think it's safe to assume my period's also coming, because could I be any more emotional? No, I really couldn't.
4. WHY ARE QUADRATICS SUCH LIL DICKS?
I fucking hate grade eleven math.
5.AWJBFIEQQFGWRIFVYEIDNADYWDOGAKYFEAYUFDFKWEFHHDUHGWUYFGUWYGFYKUAUFQK AHDVSUWEFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFNCJDWENQWJDBIEBEOWUB UGH.
I don't really know how to end this. I think I feel better. My eyes are getting all tired and it's almost like I can feel little men dancing on my eyelids. It's nice, and I know I'll have a cosy sleep now.