small blog about nice things
vegan, adventurer, lover of chai lattes and winona ryder
You can expect: book reviews, diy tutorials, photos, complaints about the world, and much more

Friday, 27 November 2015

Dear Celeste #1

A new segment on my blog, where I post a letter I've written to my friend Celeste. These will be letters I've sent to her as well as letters I've written for her, but will probably not send. I just find them beautiful and I think they allow you to have a look into my daily thoughts. Have a nice day!


Dear Celeste

Rainy days are beautiful amazing. Not enough people appreciate the wonder that is liquid glass falling from the sky. I feel like if you looked hard enough you could see a million tiny reflections staring back at you in each raindrop. I feel like that could potentially be a beautiful self portrait. Imagine, someone portrayed completely in the reflections of rainfall.

I have become obsessed with the idea of holding claim on a heart that is mine to have and possibly break. I suppose I would just like to have a person that is mine. I wouldn’t say I am largely lonely, so much as I feel that I am missing something. I will catch myself feeling like this at random moments. This happened recently at a show that I went to with a friend. There was a point during the show where I turned around to look at her and realized that we had been separated. Her boyfriend was standing behind her with his arms threaded around her waist and as a mosh pit broke out around me and I stood there, high and alone, I realized how truly pathetic I felt. Sometimes I’m embarrassed by my sudden seeming need for another person to make me feel whole. Why can’t loving myself be enough? I wish I knew what to tell myself. It doesn’t help that I have always been a hopeless romantic. I guess I’m just worried about never finding a person. Someone you can point to and say “that is my person. My heart is theirs to care for. They know how I take my tea and support my sock addiction. They tell me I smell good every day and whenever it rains they make instant ramen and we watch Inspector Gadget reruns. They read John Keats to me and play with my hair because they know I like that. Someday they will probably break my heart but that’s half the thrill. That is my person”.

I don’t really know what to make of my feelings. I am just a teenage girl with messy emotions and a fragile belief in love. Life is ridiculously ridiculous.

I will leave you with one of my favourite lines of John Keats in his love letters to Fanny Brawne:

“For myself I know not how to express my devotion to so fair a form: I want a brighter word than bright, a fairer word than fair. I almost wish we were butterflies and liv’d but three summer days—three such days with you I could fill with more delight than fifty common years could ever contain.”

Is it so bad to want to be loved with this amount of worship?

The world is weird. But our ABBA dance sessions make it all a bit less confusing! V thankful for your friendship,


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