There is a dude. What I mean is, I kind of have a dude. What I don't mean is that there is a random stranger dude in my shower or anything with a knife. I probably wouldn't be writing this blog post if there were.
I am that girl who obsesses over guys and has all of these romantic fantasies, and then as soon as someone becomes interested in me, freaks out. Like, almost vomits, freaks out. Like, never being with anyone more than a few days, freaks out. Like, HOLYSHITICANTDOTHISANYMOREVERYTHINGTHEYDOANNOYSMEEVENTHOUGHIWASREALLYINTOTHEMYESTERDAY, freaks out. This is me. Hey, how ya doing. Pretty much, I'm generally bad at being with guys, to say the least. I will say, in my defence, I do not regret breaking up with/avoiding/turning down any of the guys that I did. Looking back, those were all very good decisions. Yet sometimes, I do hold myself back with my general timidness and tendency to go into cardiac arrest every time a hot guy gets within touching distance of me. It also doesn't help that the arts high school I go to is somewhat lacking in persons of the opposite sex. Like whatever, I'm not saying I need a daily dose of eye candy to make it through high school, but when I say there are no guys, I mean, really, there are NO GUYS. The five guys who aren't gay are taken. Of course. So really, it's no wonder my boy and dating expertise are lacking.
But anyways, enough of my guy history. I just thought I'd say that there is a guy. Who is into me. It has happened. And he's not weird, or creepy. He's not obsessed with video games. He dresses nice and has a dog. He likes nature and meditation. He didn't stalk me at work, he didn't stalk me at school (both of those have happened and none of it made me feel in the dating mood). In fact, he's crazy respectful and hasn't done anything yet that is in the least way invading. IT HAS HAPPENED. I have met a guy who doesn't make me want to pass out from nerves every time I see him. The few times we have hung out, I've been cool as a cucumber and it's a very nice change of pace, I gotta say. The first time we "met" was at a party last year, where he saw me and thought I looked like Jim Morrison's girlfriend. He wanted to talk to me but at that point I was vomiting everywhere (yes yes yes I know gross, bad first impression) and I left before we could talk. But then here we are, a year later and he found me through a mutual friend by accident. And he still wanted to talk to me. EVEN AFTER WATCHING ME VOMIT, EVERYONE. He totally deserves some kind of award.
So yea. I guess we'll see how it goes. I can't promise, because I'm me and I freak out and I just don't wanna and ugh. I have a hard time caring for things (see my dead plants) and so when it comes to people sometimes I am just the cruddiest. But for some reason I think this time is different, or at least it could be different. So wish me luck, with this dude. Wish me luck with any dude, actually. I will take all I can get for the future.